Abraham J Simpson

Last update: 1998-04-29 20:18

AhhBitchBitchBitch.wav
Grandpa:	Ohh bitch bitch bitch.


BustHeads.wav
Grandpa:	We can't bust heads like we used to but we have our ways. One
		trick is to tell them stories that don't go anywhere. Like the
		time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville, I needed a new heel
		for my shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they
		called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt,
		which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a
		nickel and in those days nickels had pictures of bumble-bees on em.
		Give me five bees for a quarter you'd say. Now, where were we? Oh
		yeah, the important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which
		was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of
		the war, the only thing you could get was those big yellow ones.

Evil.wav
Grandpa:	Evil, eeeeeeviiiiil.


Filled.wav
Grandpa:	I'm filled with piss and vinegar, at first I was just filled with
		vinegar.


HaulAssToLollapalooza.wav
Grandpa:	Hey everybody, I'm gonna haul ass to Lollapalooza.


HotDiggity.wav
Grandpa:	Hotdiggity.


IHadSex.wav
Grandpa:	I had seeeeeeex...


ImAnElk.wav
Grandpa:	I'm an elk, a mason, a communist, I'm the president of the gay and
		lesbian alliance for some reason. Ah, here it is, the Stone Cutters.
Homer:		Ah, this is it, my ticket in, they have to let me join if I'm a son
		of a member. I'll take this communist one too.


ImGoingToTheOuthouse.wav
Grandpa:	I'm going to the outhouse.
Lisa:		We don't have an outhouse.
Homer:		Ah, my toolshed!


Matlock.wav
Grandpa:	Maaaaaaatlooooock


MetricSystem.wav
Grandpa:	I think the metric system is the tool of the devil, my car gets 40 rods
		to the hothead, and that's the way I likes it.


OralThermometer.wav
Grandpa:	Oral thermometer my eye! Think warm thoughts boy 'cause this is mighty
		cold.
Bart:		Ahhhhhhhhh!


PieceOfMe.wav
Grandpa:	I bet you want a piece of me. Well you ain't gonna get it, see!


Sacrifice.wav
Grandpa:	Let's sacrifice him to our gooods.


SmithAndWesson.wav
Bart:		Wow!
Grandpa:	That's my old Smith and Wesson. If you gotta play with it be careful
		'cause it's loaded.
Marge:		Ahhhh! Bart, put that down! Guns are very dangerous and I won't have
		them in this house.
Grandpa:	How can you have a house without a gun? What if a bear came through this
		door?
Marge:		I'm going to bury it in the yard where little hands can't get to it.
Grandpa:	Humph, you should have fired it into the air and she would have run
		off.


Spanked.wav
Grandpa:	Big deal, when I was a pup we got spanked by presidents 'till the
		cows came home. Robert Cleveland spanked me on two non-consecutive
		occasions.


StoleMySoul.wav
Grandpa:	You've stolen my soul!


TheFax.wav
Grandpa:	Oh, everything's stolen nowadays. Why, the fax-machine is nothing
		but a waffle-iron with a phone attached.