Homer J Simpson
Last update: 1998-05-01 14:43
Aaa.wav
Homer: Aaa!
Aaaaa1.wav
Homer: Aaaaaa!
Aaaaa2.wav
Homer: Aaaaaa!
AdmiralButthead.wav
Homer: Ay ay... Admiral Butthead.
Aghagh.wav
Homer: Aghaghagh (Homers gurgling noise)
AhhBogeyman.wav
Homer: Ahh, bogeyman!
Ahohahoh.wav
Homer: Ahh hoh hah hoh hah!
AllDone.wav
Homer: All done.
AlsoFat.wav
Homer: I'm a bad father...boohoo.
Patti or Selma: You're also fat!
Anykey.wav
Homer: To start press any key. Where's the anykey?
Astrophysics.wav
Homer: Ohh, there's so much I don't know about astrophysics. I wish
I'd read that book by that wheelchair guy.
AwwCrap.wav
Homer: Awww crap!
Bagalubagalu.wav
Homer: Bugalalabu budalagabuguluai!
BearJamboree.wav
Homer: It's like a freaking country bear jamboree around here.
BetterSpeaker.wav
Homer: Hi everyone, if I could just say a few words, I'd be a better
public speaker.
Bart: Bah ha ha ha.
BlimpyBoy.wav
Homer: Hey there, Blimpy Boy, flying through the skies so fancy free.
BlubberFly.wav
Homer: Woohoo, look at that blubber fly.
Bologna.wav
Homer: My bologna has a first name, it's H O M E R, my bologna has a
second name it's H O M E R.
Boobies.wav
Homer: Booobies.
Bogger.wav
Bart: You're it!
Milhouse: Electricity!
Bart: Nope, no electricity, electricity only in freeze-tag.
Milhouse: Okay, now you're it!
Homer: Hey, no tag-backs.
Bart: ????? cheater.
Milhouse: You ???? like a fly with a bogger in it's eye!
Homer: Hi hi hi, the fly was funny and the bogger was the icing on the
cake.
Boring.wav
Homer: Boring.
Brain.wav
Homer: Alright brain, you don't like me and I don't like you but lets
just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer
BrokeTheToilet.wav
(Repeated flushing noises)
Homer: Marge, someone broke the toilet...
BurnThisDonut.wav
Teacher: Now, I'm going to burn this donut to show you how many calories
it have.
Homer: Noooooooooo...
Teacher: The bright blue flame indicates this was a particular sweet donut.
Homer: Noohoohooo, this is not happening, this is not happening.
CantTalkEating.wav
Homer: Can't talk, eating.
Champion.wav
Homer: He he he, I am the champions, I am the champions, no time for
losing cause I am the champion, of the world... oh oh.
CheapMeat.wav
Homer: Woohoo, cheap meat!
Christianty.wav
Bart: What religion are you?
Homer: You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don't work
out in real life...ehhh...christianity.
ChurchPants.wav
Homer: Ohh, stupid itchy church pants!
ComeToPapa.wav
Homer: Woohoo, come to papa!
CompleteAss.wav
Homer: This ticket doesn't just give me a seat. It also give me the right,
no, the duty to make a complete ass of myself.
Craaaaaap.wav
Homer: Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!
CrookedCops.wav
Homer: You know one day honest citizens are gonna stand up to you
crooked cops.
Chief Wiggum: They are? Oh no, have they set a date?
Defending.wav
Homer: Aaooohh, aooh, they're defending themselves somehow.
DesperateForABeer.wav
Homer: The other day I was so desperate for a beer I snuck into the
football stadium and ate the dirt under the bleachers.
DisposableEnemas.wav
Homer: Ahhhh, ehhmmm, let me have one of those porno magazines, large
box of condoms, a bottle of "Old Harper", couple of those
panty shields, some illegal fireworks, and one of those
disposable enemas, nah make it two.
DogsAndBees.wav
Mr. Burns: I suggest you leave immediately.
Homer: Or what? You'll release the dogs or the bees or the dogs with
bees in their mouth and when they bark they shoot bees at you?
DogsPlayingPoker.wav
Homer: Uahhh! They're dogs and they're playing poker! Uaaah iahhhh...
Doh1.wav
Homer: Doh! (short)
Doh2.wav
Homer: Doh! (a bit longer)
DontMakeMeGetUp.wav
Homer: Hey, what are you kids looking at?
Milhouse: Hey look! He's trying to get up to yell at us.
Homer: Don't make me close that shade! Uhhhhg uhhhh...
Donuts.wav
Homer: Donuts! Is there anything they can't do?
FirstYouGetTheSugar.wav
Homer: America! First you get the sugar then you get the power then
you get the women.
Forgetit.wav
Homer: Forget it!
FourDayWeekend
Marge: The plant called and said that if you don't come in tomorrow
don't bother coming in Monday.
Homer: Woohoo! Four day weekend!
FrontalNudity.wav
Homer: Is there any frontal nudity?
GahhDohh.wav
Homer: Gaahhh dooohh!
GoBackTo.wav
Homer: I'm gone back to the time when dinosaurs weren't just confined
to zoo's.
GoCrazy.wav
Homer: No TV and no beer make Homer something, something.
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if I do! Uahhhululul ulul uahlul ii uhhh iii uhhh
wut wut hanabulle woooohaaa.
Godboy.wav
Homer: God-boy couldn't get a strike! Ahh ha ha ha ha...
GonnaDo.wav
Homer: Yeah, but what are you gonna do?
GourmandInTheBudoir.wav
Homer: Forbearance is the watchword that triumvirate of Twinkies merely
overwhelmed my resolve.
Marge: Hmm, there's another thing I've been wanting to talk to you about.
Homer: Tut, tut, gentle Marge, for here in the boudoir the gourmand
metamorphosis's into the voluptuary, grrrrr...
GreatMercibleCrap.wav
Homer: Great mercible crap, my car!
HairyYellowButt.wav
Homer: Bart can kiss my hairy, yellow but.
HandleTheTruth.wav
Homer: You don't know what it's like. I'm the one out there everyday putting
his ass on the line. And I'm not out of order! You're out of order!
The whole freaking system is out of order! You want the truth? You
want the truth? You can't handle the truth! 'Cause when you reach
over and put your hand to a pile of goo now is your best friends
face, you all know what to do! Forget it Marge, it's Chinatown!
HeeHee.wav
Homer: Heee heee, blulululu bllululalal...
HeHeHe.wav
Homer: He he he...
HelpMe.wav
Homer: Help, ooohhh help me! Ohhh, why isn't anybody, ohh, helping?
HeresJohnny.wav
Homer: Uhh gah, uhh! Here's Johnny! DOH! David Letterman!
Grandpa: Hi David, I'm grandpa!
Homer: Doh! I'm Mike Wallace, I'm Morley Safer and I'm Ed Bradley. All
this and Andy Rooney tonight on 60 minutes.
Lisa, Bart: Ahhhhhhhhhh!
HighAndLow.wav
Homer: Never! Never, Marge! I can't live the buttoned down life like you,
I want it all. The terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the
creamy middle! Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my
cocky stride and musky odors. Oh, I'll never be the darling of
the so called city fathers who cluck their tongues, stroke their
beards and talk about what's to be done with this Homer Simpson.
Hihi.wav
Homer: Hi hi hi hi...
Hihihi.wav
Homer: Hi hi hi hi.. ah ha ha ha.. ha ha ha.. oh ha ha oh..
HitTheReferee.wav
Homer: Yes, honey.
Lisa: Then what should I do?
Homer: Just squeeze your rage into a bitter little ball and release it at
an appropriate time. Like that day I hit the referee with a
whiskeybottle. Remember that?
Lisa: Yeah..
Homer: When daddy hit the referee?
Lisa: Yeah..
Homer: Yeah.
HolyMacaroni.wav
Homer: O glory of glorious! O heavenly testament to the eternal majesty
of God's creation.. Holy macaroni!
HomeyIsHere.wav
Homer: Homey is here...
IAmEvilHomer.wav
Evil Homer: I am evil Homer! I am evil Homer! I am evil Homer! I am evil Homer!
IDunno.wav
Homer: I dunno...
IllFigureItOut.wav
Homer: I'll figure it out. I'm gonna use all the power of my brain.
IllWalkInTheMud.wav
(Beep, beep)
Homer: Shut up!
(Beep, beep)
Homer: I'm over as far as I can go!
(Beep, beep)
Homer: Al right! Al right! I'll walk in the mud!
IMeanWoohoo.wav
Homer: Doh! Doh! Doh!.. I mean.. woohoo!
ImMrBurnBlahBlah.wav
Homer: I'm Mr. Burns, blah, blah, blah. Do this, do that, blah, blah
blah. I think I'm so big, blah, blah, blaaah.
Mr. Burns: Destroy him!
Insane.wav
Homer: Whoah, what are you doing? Are you insane?
Invincible.wav
Homer: I am invincible! Invincible! Your aooooo!
InYourFace.wav
Homer: Now, are you gonna stop bugging me?
Bart: No.
Homer: Are you?
Bart: No.
(This goes on for a bit)
Homer: Are you?
Bart: No!
Homer: Are you?
Bart: Okay!!!
Homer: Hi hiii, I win, in your face. Yeah! How do you like them apples?
Woo hooo, he he he.
ItsMeltingMelting.wav
Homer: Nooo, my sugar is melting, meeelting, ohh what a world!
IWantEveryoneToKnow.wav
Homer: I want everyone to know that this is not Flanders, my friend!
Carl or Lenny: What did he say?
Carl or Lenny: I don't know. Something about being gay.
KillingBrain.wav
Homer: Al right, brain! You don't like me and I don't like you. But let's
just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.
KillMyBoss.wav
Homer: Kill my boss! Do I dare live out the American dream?
KissMyCurvy.wav
Homer: Kiss my curvy butt goooodbye!
LisaTheBlob.wav
Homer: Euuuuuhh, Lisa the blob has got me, don't touch me or it'll get you
too!
ManThisPlace.wav
Homer: Man, this place looks expensive. I feel like I'm wasting a fortune
just standing here. Hmm hmmm ummm hmmm... Better make the most of it.
Matingcall.wav
Homer: May the best man win! The mating call of the loser!
Messages.wav
Homer: Here are your messages. You have 30 minutes to move your car, you have
10 minutes, your car has been impounded, your car has been crushed
into a cube, you have 30 minutes to move your cube.
(Phone ringing)
Homer: Yeah, hello, Mr. Burns office.
Mr. Burns: Is it about my cube?
Mishap.wav
Homer: Can I get some help? Snack-related mishap!
MockMe.wav
Homer: Why do you mock me O Lord?
MrPlow.wav
Homer: Mr. Plow, that's my name, that name again is Mr. Plow. Our forecast
calls for flurries of passion followed by a extended periods of
gettin it on.
Marge: Hi hi hi hi...
MrPlowThatsMyName.wav
Homer: Call Mr. Plow that's my name, that name again is Mr. Plow.
MrThompson.wav
Agent: Ohhhh, now when I say hello Mr. Thompson and press down on your foot
you smile and nod.
Homer: No problem.
Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson!
(pause)
Homer: I think he's talking to you.
Nachoman.wav
Homer: Nacho, nacho-man. I want to be a nacho-man.
Naked&Wet.wav
Homer: I'm all naked and wet!
Nerd.wav
Homer: Neeeeeeeeerds!
Marge: Homer, that isn't very nice.
Homer: Marge, try to understand. There are two kinds of collage-students,
jocks and nerds. As a jock it is my duty to give nerds a hard time.
Hey pal, did you get a load of the nerd?
Student?: Pardon me?
NotDie.wav
Homer: Kids, kids, I'm not gonna die! That only happens to bad people.
Bart: What about Abraham Lincoln?
Homer: Ehhh, he sold poisoned milk to school children.
Marge: Homer!
Homer: Hey, I'm just trying to make it easier on em.
NotGay.wav
Homer: I'm not gay, but I'll learn!
ObeseMan.wav
Homer: All my life I've been an obese man trapped inside a fat mans body.
OhhEroticCake.wav
Homer: Ohhh, erotic cake.
OhLisa.wav
Homer: Oh, Lisa, you and your stories. Bart is a vampire, beer kills
braincells. Now let's go back to that... building.. thingie..
where our bed's and TV.. is.
OldFavorites.wav
Homer: Ahhh, finally a little quiet time to read some of my old favorites.
Honey-roasted peanuts, ingredients, salt, artificial honey-roasting
agents, pressed peanut sweepings, mmmmmm.
OneSize.wav
Homer: One size fits all, my butt!
OneWeakness.wav
Homer: Ahh, beer! My one weakness.
OpenClubSandwegde.wav
Mr.Burns: Use an open faced club! The sandwedge!
Homer: Mmm, open faced club sandwedge..
OutaHere.wav
Homer: That's it, I'm outa here!
Pagans.wav
Homer: God bless those pagans.
PartyEveryday.wav
Homer: But I used to rock and roll all night and party every day. Then
it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find half an hour
a week in which to get funky.
PattingMyBaldHead.wav
Homer: Guys are always patting my bald head for luck. Pinching my belly
to hear my girlish laugh.
PlanetOfTheApes.wav
Homer: The only danger is if they send us to that terrible planet of the
apes. Wait a minute, statue of liberty! That was our planet! You
maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!
Pointdexter.wav
Homer: Hey, he looks just like you pointdexter! Bah ha ha ha...
Poooo.wav
Homer: Pooblululululu
Porkchop.wav
Homer: Lisa, honey! Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal
again? How about bacon?
Lisa: No!
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No!
Homer: Porkchops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!
Homer: Oh, yeah right, Lisa! A wonderful, magical animal! He he he...
PublicTV.wav
Homer: Marge! It's public TV! They never have anything good.
PutThisIn.wav
Homer: Put this in your pipe and smoke it!
QuitJivingMeTurkey.wav
Homer: You jiiive-turkey! See, you gotta sazz it. Quit jiiiiving
me turkey, ya gotta sazz it! A turkey is a bad person.
RainbowSuspenders.wav
Homer: How about those rainbow suspenders, huh? Pretty cool way to keep
your pants up, eh?
RavenousMonsters.WAV
Homer: She won't!. When it comes to compliments women are ravenous
bloodsucking monsters always wanting more, more, more!
ReadMyMindBoy.wav
Homer: I know you can read my thoughts, boy. Mjau, mjau, mjau, mjau....
Restaff.wav
Homer: You can take this job and restaff it!
RockAttained.wav
Homer: Why do you need new bands? Everyone knows rock attained perfection
in 1974. It's a scientific fact!
(fade to dream-sequence)
Partyguy: Quadraphonic sound, a water-bed and now strobe-light. Gentlemen
say hello to the second base mobile.
Partyguys: Wicked!
SawOffYourArms.wav
Medic: Homer, this, this is never easy to say. I'm gonna have to saw your
arms off.
Homer: They'll grow back, right?
Medic: Ohh, yeah..
Homer: Whuuu..
(medic starting a chainsaw)
Medic: Homer? Are you just holding on to the can?
Homer: You're point being?
ScrubbingMyUndies.wav
Bart, Milhouse: Euuuhh!
Homer: Don't mind me boys! Just scrubbing my undies!
SecondPerson.wav
Homer: Boy, this is lot more fun with a second person.
SextetOfAle.wav
Homer: Now, there's a Machiavellian countenance Ohh, a sextet of ale!
ShutUp.wav
Homer: Shut up!
ShutUpBoy.wav
Homer: Shut up, boy!
ShutUpBrain.wav
Homer: Shut up brain or I'll stab you with a Q-Tip.
Silent.wav
Marge: You have the right to remain silent.
Homer: I choose to waive that right! Blahhhhhhh ooahhh oahhh...
SlowDown.wav
Homer: Yuoo gonna gou too foundaglle!
Marge: Homer, what is it? Slow down.
Homer: Youu... gonna... too... foundaglle...
Smart.wav
Homer: I am so smart! I am so smart! S M R T! I mean S M A R T!
Smartguy.wav
Homer: Then that's what I'll do, smart guy!
SmilingPolitely.wav
Billy Corgan: Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins.
Homer: Homer Simpson, smiling politely!
Snotball.wav
Homer: Hello, I'd like to speak with a Mr. Snotball, firstname Youra.
Moe: Youra Snotball?
Homer: What! How dare you?
Snowblowers.wav
Homer: Are you tired of having your hands cut off by snowblowers?
Sockpuppet.wav
Homer: Permit me to solve the mystery. Your mother has a fear of flying.
Bart: So much for the days I could say 'at least my mother's normal'.
Marge: Well, everybody's got a fear of something.
Homer: Not everybody..
Marge: Sockpuppets!
Homer: Where? Where? Aaaa! Aaaa!
SolongSuckers.wav
Homer: He he he! So long, suckers!
SomeBadStuff.wav
Homer: I have a feeling some bad stuff is about to go down.
Spoon.wav
Homer: Marge, where's that.. metal diley.. you use to.. dig.. food.
Marge: You mean a spoon?
Homer: Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Statistics.wav
Homer: Ohh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Ken.
40 percent of all people know that.
Steakaroney.wav
Homer: Hey Barteliboobely, care for a steakaroney?
Bart: Sounds scruptiliumptios my dear old daddelidolly!
StickIt.wav
Homer: Time to stick it to the man!
Stupidhead.wav
(phone ringing)
The Dean: Hello?
Homer: Hello, dean? You're a stupidhead!
The Dean: Homer, is that you?
Homer: Wah!
StupidTV.wav
Homer: Stupid TV! Be more funny!
SubliminalTape.wav
(I could use some help on this one)
Homer: Disengineous mountainbanks with their subliminal chikanery!
A fox on them!
Sucks.wav
Bart: These uniforms sucks!
Marge: Bart! Where do you pick up words like that?
Homer: Yeah Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucks.
I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of
sucks the ever sucked!
Marge: Homer! Watch your mouth!
Homer: I gotta go, my damn weiner-kids are listening.
Lisa: We are not wieners!
TakesOneTo.wav
Lisa: Remember, it's better to remain silent and be thought a fool then
to open your mouth and remove all doubts.
Homer: (to his brain) What does that mean?
Homers brain: You better say something or they think you're stupid.
Homer: Takes one to know one!
Homers brain: Swish!
TheGirlsOfInternet.wav
Homer: The girls of the Internet. Ohh, I'd go online with them anyday!
TheMailIsHere.wav
Homer: The mail! The mail is here! Woooooh!
TheSandwich.wav
Homer: Marge, I'd like to be alone with sandwich for a moment.
Marge: Are you going to eat it?
Homer: Yes.
ThisIsEverything.wav
Homer: This is everything I ever dreamed of right here. And nobody is
going to take it away from me. You never had faith in me before
but let me tell you the slim lazy Homer you knew is dead. Now
I'm a big fat dynamo, and where's that cake?
ThisRocks.wav
Homer: And when I listen to a really good song I start nodding my
head like I'm saying 'Yes' to every beat. Yes, yes, yes, this
rocks! And then sometimes I switch it up like 'No, no, no, don't
stop'a rockin'.
TooDrunk.wav
Homer: Barney, give me your key. Your too drunk to drive.
Barney: I'm fine.
Homer: Okay, you leave me no option.
(hitting Barney)
Barney: Aoh! What was that for?
Homer: I'm trying to knock you out.
(hitting Barney with something, can't remember what)
Barney: Aoh! Cut it out!
(using car door to beat Barney)
Barney: Aoh! (smack) Aoh! (smack) Aoh! (smack) Aoh! (smack) Aoh! (smack)
Al right, here, take the keys.
Turkeysong.wav
Homer: Oh Margie, you came and you found me a turkey
on my vacation away from workie.
UhhDogwater.wav
Homer: Uhhh, dogwater!
UhTheBeer.wav
Homer: Uh, the beer!
UndercoverMan.wav
Agent: Al right, are you willing to go undercover and nail this creep?
Homer: No way man! No, way man! Get yourself another patsy, man!
No way am I wearing a freaking wire!
Agent: Will you be willing to wear a hidden camera and microphone?
Homer: Oh, that I'll wear.
Wachamajigger.wav
Homer: Marge, it's not the money! My job is my identity. If I'm not a
safety watchamajigger, I'm nothing!
Weeding.wav
Homer: Now what is a wedding? Well Webster's dictionary describes a wedding
as 'The process of removing weed's from ones garden'.
WereHereWereQueer.wav
Homer: Were here! Were queer! We don't want anymore bears!
Crowd: Were here! Were queer! We don't want anymore bears!
WeTake18Ounces.wav
Commercial: We take 18 ounces of sizzling ground beef and soak it in rich
creamery butter. Then we top it off with bacon, ham and a fried egg.
We call it the goodmorning burger.
Homer: Ahhhhhhhhhhh...
Whack.wav
Homer: Well Marge, should I whack slow or fast?
Marge: Slow, then fast!
Both: Hi hi hi hi hi
Homer: Oh oh!
WhatTheHell.wav
Homer: What the hell was that?
WhatTimeIsIt.wav
Homer: Eh, we left at 1.30 PM Monday. What time is it now?
Lisa: It's 6.45 AM next Wednesday!
WheresMyBurrito.wav
Homer: Where's my burrito? Where's my burrito? Where's my burrito?
WienerBoy.wav
Homer: Hey wiener-boy! Where do think you're going?
WifePassedAway.wav
Teacher: My wife recently passed away, I thought teaching might ease my
loneliness.
Homer: Will this be on the test?
Teacher: No!
Homer: Ohhhh...
WomansLikeBeer.wav
Homer: Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good. They look
good. You'd step over your own mother just to get one!
(glug glug glug)
Woohoo.wav
Homer: Woohoo!
WorldDomination.wav
Homer: The mob is working on getting your saxophone back. But we've also
expanded into other important areas: literacy programs, preserving
our beloved covered bridges, world domination.
Lisa: World domination?
Homer: Ohhh, he, that might be a typo. Mental note, the girl knows too much!
WrongAgain.wav
Homer: Wrong again!
YouDontStrike.wav
Homer: Lisa! If you don't like your job you don't strike! You just go in
everyday and do it really half-assed. That's the American way!
YouStink.wav
Homer: You stink! You and your whole lousy operation stinks! I quit!
YouSuDidelyUck.wav
Homer: You su-didely-uck Flanders!
YummyYummy.wav
Homer: Yummy, yummy, I got love in my tummy and I feel like loving you!